This Legion ‘Secret Origins’ Story is Secretly Horrifying

The utterly unexciting cover of "Secret Origins" No. 46.
The utterly unexciting cover of “Secret Origins” No. 46.

The Legion of Super-Heroes is finally returning to mainstream DC continuity. To celebrate the return of the 30th century’s most powerful teenagers, hop in the Wayback Machine for a tale DC probably would just as soon like to forget.

“Secret Origins,” you may recall, was DC’s go-to title for the untold tales of the roots of DC’s cavalcade of champions. Apparently, when you run out of heroes, you create an all-headquarters issue, because there’s nothing more exciting than drywall, construction dust and the smell of sweet, sweet blueprints.

Mmm … blueprints …

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Is This the Saddest Superman Story Ever Told?

The Silver Age Superman fought everything from Brainiac to bug-eyed aliens, but his greatest and most persistent threat came from those closest to him.

Girl reporter Lois Lane and first love Lana Lang both wanted to expose his secret identity or trap him in marriage. Many times they figured the first would naturally lead to the second.

The Man of Steel was pretty good at putting them off, doing his super-thing while one of his robots or Batman covered for him by pretending to be helpless schlub Clark Kent.

But there came a moment when the two alleged loves of his life teamed to learn his greatest secret and forced him to turn to an unlikely source for help.

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Superman & Batman: The Original Super-Friends

'Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice'
‘Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice’

The world waits with bated breath for the opening of “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” on March 25.

The Dark Knight meets the Man of Steel for the first time in a live-action film, and it looks to be a brawl for the ages.

And that got me thinking. How did the comics – you know, the source material for just about every blockbuster film keeping the major studios afloat these days – handle the first meeting of DC’s greatest titans?

What threat could possibly be dire enough to bring the two champions of justice together?

The Anti-Monitor? Darkseid? The Joker and Lex Luthor together?

Would you believe … a cruise ship vacation?

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