In my continuing battle to celebrate the most ridiculous comic books ever published, I present to you my greatest find:

“The Story of the Year!” the cover proclaims.

Hell, let’s make it the century and call it a day.

“Batman Becomes Bat-Baby!”

It’s a premise so absurd, you just know you need to know more:

In “Batman” No. 147, cover date May 1962, written by Bill Finger and illustrated by Sheldon Moldoff, Batman and Robin burst into a gangland hideout and discover among the thugs “Garth – the renegade scientist.”

Boy, does Garth have a surprise for them.

His odd contraption traps Batman in an eerie green light.

When a smoke bomb settles, Robin is horrified to discover his mentor looks like a small child.

“That machine – somehow it’s able to reverse growth!” says our pint-sized pugilist, his costume hanging off him.

In Wee Batty’s first of many indignities, Robin picks him and carries him like a baby to the bat-mobile because there’s no way he can walk with his costume hanging off him.

Garth, the ever-thoughtful criminal mastermind, managed to snap a picture of Lil’ Bats and sends it to the newspapers, who blast the story on page one.

Garth congratulates himself on his brilliance – rather than killing Batman and making him a martyr to be avenged by the city, they’ve made him a laughingstock who can never go out in public again to fight crime.

This … is a surprisingly sophisticated plot point in an otherwise deranged story, proof there’s a gem or two in every crazy 12-cent comic.

These crooks really don’t know Bruce Wayne and his tolerance for embarrassment.

While the plucky lad needs a telephone directory under his seat to sit at the table, he still retains his intelligence and his adult strength. (Call it the Doll Man effect.)

The Dark Tyke stuns his partner by announcing: “So gangland is now calling me a baby! Well, I’ll dress like a baby and prove to them that I’m still a crime-fighter – as Bat-Baby!”

I guess “Bat-Boy” or “Bat-Lad” was too serious a sobriquet.

And wow is Batman all-in on this youth-bender: The costume looks like it was based on John-John Kennedy’s jumper, complete with suspenders and teeny boots.

Gotham City must have some sort of ordinance preventing kids from wearing sleeves or long pants.

The Caped Kiddie hits the mean streets of Gotham and soon encounters rooftop bandits.

Bat-Baby rides a giant helium balloon to confront the robbers, and with his adult strength, he easily subdues them.

Gotham’s newspapers are hilariously cool to his success:

“Bat-Baby Does Okay for Kid” sniffs one page one headline.

Sheesh! What does a crime-fighting infant have to do around here to get some respect?

Hey, it’s 1962 and there’s still some time to humiliate Batwoman, aka Kathy Kane, so let’s get that in.

Kathy drops in a for a visit, and rather have trusty Alfred say he’s out or has the flu, the faithful butler sends her down the hall to the library, where she spies a shadow of Bruce kissing another woman.

“That playboy! That kissing bug! I’ll never stop foot in this place again!” the heartbroken vigilante swears.

Dick congratulates the lil sneak on his cunning stratagem – tricking Kathy with a cardboard cutout.

“When I’m adult size again, I’ll explain that the ‘girl’ she saw was a cousin!” Bruce says.

Right. Because finding out your maybe romantic partner was making out with a cousin just makes the moment so much better.

Needless emotional violence inflicted, our petite paladin still has to catch that crafty scientist to reverse the procedure.

Bruce gets a lead on a gangland crony but realizes he can’t keep up with his short legs, so he breaks out a pair of skates to follow him.

Dressed as his smaller half, Bat-Baby and Robin burst into the gang headquarters. Bat-Baby jumps on a conveniently placed hobby horse to ride down a ramp into some thugs.

In a bit of an anti-climax, Bats’ youth comes to an abrupt end. He uses the scientist’s machine to age himself back.

In the Batcave, he shows off his latest prize – his Bat-Baby costume, mounted in a case, “Just a reminder – of a brief childhood!”

Next on a very special “Hoarders”: Crimefighters who have to collect souvenirs of every adventure, no matter how goofy.

For some unknown reason, DC has not made this comic available digitally, although you can find scans of it to read if you search Google. To my knowledge, it has never been reprinted.

If it isn’t clear from this post, then let me spell it out: I love this glorious disaster.

They don’t make comics like this anymore. And judging from my recent pulls from my local store, all dull serialized stories brimming with bombast and relentless retcons, that’s a crying shame.